Pieces of Paper

I'm sitting here at home at the computer with the revitalizing sound of silence. Our cat is warming my lap. The steady sound of cool, fall rain on the roof and the chirping of a blue jay outside the office window set a peaceful cadence. The occasional sounds of a nearby high school football game announcer and evening residential traffic complete the symphony of the evening.

Beside me is a reasonably sized stack of various shapes and sizes of paper. I've been collecting them for about a year now. Over the past year or so, as I've gone about everyday life, I find that there are moments I hear from God so powerfully and don't want to forget the wisdom and love He has shared with me. Unlike I've done in times past, I'm in a new routine now. When I hear from God, my heart confirming the significance of the moment, I grab the nearest piece of paper I can write on - from the expired grocery list in the bottom of my purse, to a trail map on the way down a mountain top in Colorado. And so the pile has grown. It's been my intent to convert these life lessons into stories to share with others. I set this blog up earlier this summer, but haven't added any posts. It's now fall and my mother-in-love convinced me last night to start writing.

I guess I've been afraid...and excited. Isn't that how it is so often in a relationship with Jesus? The excitement and fear tug from both sides confining us to stay put in our little comfort zone. I know what fear is holding me back. I'm afraid of disappointment. I'm afraid my dream is too big to pursue, and that I'll never be spiritually mature enough to become the kind of woman I want to be.

What do I want to be when I grow up? I want to be a Christian woman who is an author and/or speaker on the topic of biblical womanhood. As I have been blessed by Christian authors and speakers who have shared how the truth of God's Word has transformed their lives, so I want to be a blessing to others. It is my prayer that God will transform me from a grain of sand and refine me into a pearl of great worth. That by God's power and grace, I will become a woman like the woman in Proverbs 31: a "wife of noble character", whose "husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value". A wife who "brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life". A woman who is strong, works hard, takes excellent care of her family, and has compassion for those in need. A woman full of wisdom "who fears the Lord". (Proverbs 31)

So with this blog, I take one more step toward this big dream, the truth of 2 Timothy 1:7 urging me on: "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but He has given us a spirit of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control." (Amplified Bible)